OK, one more peom...feel free to share your opinion.?

Question:Maybe some only see sunlight when it's shining on their wingtips
Or through raindrops that still linger, long after storms have passed
And to some it's an illusion, or a faith, or a diversion
Those who bask in constant light don't see how they burn so fast

Wishing time would take it's toll and get a grip on time I've wasted
Buried lines of disconnection, buried face under deception
Will not break it, will not fix it, it will blur the lines forever
(Unless we improve our vision), It's through choice we've come so far

Do you ever think that someday you could walk the moors of freedom?
Introduce yourself to some peace, in the sunlight, colored kingdom
For that moment of redemption, reassurance, recollection
(Never did quite get a grip, never did quite get permission)

Someday this wall will fall
Some way
And from underneath the crumbled wall, I'll watch you crawl away
You have so much to learn, yet you have so much to say

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Maybe some only see sunlight when it's shining on their wingtips
Or through raindrops that still linger, long after storms have passed
And to some it's an illusion, or a faith, or a diversion
Those who bask in constant light don't see how they burn so fast

Wishing time would take it's toll and get a grip on time I've wasted
Buried lines of disconnection, buried face under deception
Will not break it, will not fix it, it will blur the lines forever
(Unless we improve our vision), It's through choice we've come so far

Do you ever think that someday you could walk the moors of freedom?
Introduce yourself to some peace, in the sunlight, colored kingdom
For that moment of redemption, reassurance, recollection
(Never did quite get a grip, never did quite get permission)

Someday this wall will fall
Some way
And from underneath the crumbled wall, I'll watch you crawl away
You have so much to learn, yet you have so much to say

I really liked it a lot.I think it's right on the money and i have felt the same way too.Keep writing' you have much to say.

its really nice, sensitive and still a litlle bit dark. I really like it and i think u should continue writing poems.

I really like the message. I think if you made it a little more compact or worked on the organization a little more it could be much better. I also think the rhyme scheme could use improving.

Overall, I really liked it and enjoyed reading it. Keep writing

wat da fcuk is this?

With yet these words, a pen, you wrote
Attempting to make clear...
With saddend heart, you miss the note
A "sharp", which one can hear.

For sake of rhyme, you're jumping time
A poem or a mountain climb?
You'd have success at pantomime
but ,"poems with a twist of lime" dont mix, at least, not by design.

Your work, emotions lack of feeling
Steady eye and crooked gait.
Shake away your outer peeling.
for get rhyme and think "create"

Words do not a poem make;
its feelings are your sharpest tools,
"love and fear" as words, are fake.
the toys of liars, thieves, and fools.

So go on then and write your best
the feelings that you feel
for once you get them off your chest
the word, becoming real.