Poem critique (title: Antennae Lips)?

Question:Kneel
so that your eyes of midnight
meet mine.
Listen
as we sit under this old apple tree,
and watch as the local insects
are playfully tossed by summer’s winds.
They are always trying to reach
some golden nectar hidden in the flowers
but they are never quite able to make it -
just like us, two
Typical, struggling teenagers, always
hoping to feel petal-soft
lips brush ours
as two butterflies in greeting
might.

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Critique, anyone? Feel free to be honest, it's a draft.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Kneel
so that your eyes of midnight
meet mine.
Listen
as we sit under this old apple tree,
and watch as the local insects
are playfully tossed by summer’s winds.
They are always trying to reach
some golden nectar hidden in the flowers
but they are never quite able to make it -
just like us, two
Typical, struggling teenagers, always
hoping to feel petal-soft
lips brush ours
as two butterflies in greeting
might.

---

Critique, anyone? Feel free to be honest, it's a draft.

Great title. Nicely said, perhaps removing some two letter words may make it flow even better.

Rising the surface from the fact, the stigma, and fracture, suffering their rite of passage, the soft aromas of love follow episode from souls revealing odd lusts and these of souls of those kissed of love's kisses.

Too good really. I think you frost the cake most elegently.

Ah brought me back, not only to summer, but to those days (too long ago) of innocent teenage desire, clumsy muckings-about in the woods on the weekend, always hoping we are perceived far less nervous than we are.

Interesting.