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Position:Home>Poetry> No one knows this girl......poem (don't steal)?Question:can you please tell me what you think of this poem i would like to make sure it gives the feel i was going for..... No one knows this girl all they see is a face she doesn’t belong, she is so out of place. In a sea of souls, she is an island to her self wondering, "when will I be discovered explored in and out, finally uncovered?" Alone she walks the halls listening to her own tune, a solemn melody as she questions, "does anyone love me, if so whom?" One day they say, one day soon..... Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: can you please tell me what you think of this poem i would like to make sure it gives the feel i was going for..... No one knows this girl all they see is a face she doesn’t belong, she is so out of place. In a sea of souls, she is an island to her self wondering, "when will I be discovered explored in and out, finally uncovered?" Alone she walks the halls listening to her own tune, a solemn melody as she questions, "does anyone love me, if so whom?" One day they say, one day soon..... it's a hint of melancholy and hopelessness, but at the end, hope is coming like a ray of light A beautiful poem with a steady flow. I have my own poems so I wouldn't dream of stealing yours. It's a very good one by the way. I have my own alone poem posted. I don't know how to put up links yet but you can find it under my name<----I like yours. L1-4 are good. L5, 6. Like the mood but not the lyric. discovered/uncovered Also 'discovered' is an island in the ocean (which works) 'Uncovered' is pull the blanket off. Which clashes thematically. L7 ~ L8 Is good. L9 'If so whom?" seems jarring and awkward. L10 is OK. Sug something like: No one knows this girl All they see is a face She doesn’t belong, She is so out of place. In the vast sea of souls, she's an island alone. Awaiting Columbus Or Ponce de León. The tunes on her ipod Take her far from the crowd But keep her from asking The question out loud. Who will risk all to find me? Burn to explore. Where is my lover? My Conquistador. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Keep Writting Poet Girl I didn't get a clear rhythm to this poem. The idea is good, and I liked the start, though. title--The Undiscovered Girl I like it but the rhythm is a bit off but other than that it's great. It's Great |