Please give feedback on my poetry?

Question:It's about Autumn and is for my degree portfolio. It needs a title for one thing, so any suggestions. I also need to write about any changes so absolutely any suggestions will more than likely be used in my commentary. Any word changes, extra lines, should I continue with another stanza, anything you can think of. Opinions; rubbish/good, what does it make you think of?

A solemn time of year, autumn
Leaves of all shapes and sizes,
Yellow, red, orange, although some are still green.
People just sit waiting.
They wait for the days to start getting shorter;
Charting the path to the cold, dark, daunting, depressing winter.

But not me.

I wake up every morning and step outside
To experience the awakening power of the frosty sea air.
A carpet of gold, crimson and ginger, laid out before me.
Confetti of similar description falls all around me, a sense of royalty.

Blackbirds, crows and magpies are on duty.
Patrolling over head, looking out from trees or guarding on the lawn

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: It's about Autumn and is for my degree portfolio. It needs a title for one thing, so any suggestions. I also need to write about any changes so absolutely any suggestions will more than likely be used in my commentary. Any word changes, extra lines, should I continue with another stanza, anything you can think of. Opinions; rubbish/good, what does it make you think of?

A solemn time of year, autumn
Leaves of all shapes and sizes,
Yellow, red, orange, although some are still green.
People just sit waiting.
They wait for the days to start getting shorter;
Charting the path to the cold, dark, daunting, depressing winter.

But not me.

I wake up every morning and step outside
To experience the awakening power of the frosty sea air.
A carpet of gold, crimson and ginger, laid out before me.
Confetti of similar description falls all around me, a sense of royalty.

Blackbirds, crows and magpies are on duty.
Patrolling over head, looking out from trees or guarding on the lawn

It's a fine effort. There are some nice images in it like, "Blackbirds, crows, and magpies are on duty." That gives a very nice impression of birds sitting on wires or something like that.

I wonder, though, what drove you to write this poem. Do you really care that autumn is vivifying to you and not to others? If so, how does that make you feel? What is it that you really want to express, or was this just a poem exercise?

I think it would be more powerful if you opened up more and took bigger chances at saying what is important to YOU and if you were more specific in place and time. Poems can be wonderful windows into the author's world. The more genuine you are when you write, the more it will stir your readers. And yes, it feels emotionally risky... but it's worth it! It makes it yours.

For instance, people waiting for the autumn. These are obviously not the people of my town. I live in a university town, so September is when things fly into full speed like a cart breaking loose and rolling down hill... haha. But I'd like to be able to picture these people you mention. What kind of people? What are their lives like? Do they work in factories or where? Are their homes stone or wood? Are they U.S. or U.K.? Are they west coast or east coast? Are they in a city or a country village? At present, your description is a bit vague in areas. Little details -- whichever you choose -- will help me to step into your poem, into a place and time and mood.

You are very lucky to have a gift for writing. I'd enjoy seeing others of your poems.

After the But not me it was all good. But there are, to my ear, too many words in the first bit. And the line "yellow, red, orange, although some are still green" is a good juxtaposition but the line needs some work. It is just too damn long I think.

The alliteration in the last line is not necessary, it detracts (forgive the d-word) rather than adds, I would get rid of it.

I would give it a better ending, but other then that it was really good!
"A carpet of gold, crimson and ginger, laid out before me.
Confetti of similar description falls all around me, a sense of royalty."
my favourite part.

Ahh...the sights, the sounds of it all.
Drawing me closer to the wonderland of winter.

I would add more though. Sorry I'm really tired.
Maybe call it something simple like Autumn or Summer's End.
Some of it seems too long. Maybe you could shorten up some of your sentences.
Good luck.
Nice work:)

call it autmn embrace

it was good. add alittle more to the ending. dont change it. it has a good flow. also dont worry about the other people. this is about you and how you feel.

try this at the end

the animals are getting ready for there slumber
and i am watching quitely ,waiting for the approaching dawn
where the sky will match the ground in all its brilliance of colors
all this beauty surrounding me
i am ready
ready for the embrace of autumn.

you of course can modify it but maybe this will give you something to work with. keep up the good work.