Poem I just wrote "Cut Deeper"?

Question:Cut Deeper

The cuts I keep making are just too small,
Am I that weak? Why can't I just end it all?
But I need to cut deeper, I need too end the pain
I need to slice open each vein
I am not weak, not weak at all
Look! I did it, watch my blood fall
Watch it drain , watch me end all my pain....

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Cut Deeper

The cuts I keep making are just too small,
Am I that weak? Why can't I just end it all?
But I need to cut deeper, I need too end the pain
I need to slice open each vein
I am not weak, not weak at all
Look! I did it, watch my blood fall
Watch it drain , watch me end all my pain....

Wow, a shorter poem yet a stunning piece! This could be turned into a song. Something with truth behind each word. Beautifully written.

Ignore the above comments!

Teenage drama, this isn't the cw, it isn't fake it's real, teenagers have their issues, there's a lot of them expressing themselves online because they have no where else to express themselves. They're not looking for sympathy, they're expressing and it's good for them or anyone.

The poetic heart is the strong heart, keep writing Harmony G.

Dont cut yerself
thats dumb
just a way for attention
its not going to make you feel any better
get over it
or see a docter
*********

Love it, but I hope you don`t intend on doing it

what is it with all the teenage drama and pain and the need to tell everyone else about it? Are any of you other guys on here getting tired of this?? Cause i am. The poem, is unoriginal and has been made thousands of times by various whiny girls over the years. Im sorry but you recieve no sympathy from me.

while the imagery is wonderful, and powerful. the rhyme scheme is a bit off and for me that throws the poem out of whack. try revising the rhyme and syllable count so it sounds more like a song or not, but not in the middle.

hope this helps
oh.. AND STOP CUTTING>

And your question is?

I mean, the poem is alright. I've read better. The rhyme scheme is quite trite. Your use of repetition in only one line does not fit the rest of the poem. The rhythm is lacking and the poem itself is hackneyed.

Seriously, if you want pity, show this to your friends and family. I don't feel pity for you.

Now, when you have a real question to ask, I'll be here. Seriously, you should avoid not asking questions. That's a violation of the community guidelines.

nice, i like it. i can picture you cutting and making facial expressions . disappiontment on your face as you wish the cut was deeper. i can respect your wishes and sympathy is no where in this ordeal. it's about the will to be free. i like it