story? be honest!?

Question:kinda just a random writing.. i did it without editing what so ever, and just wrote what came out, no thought or plan. just what my mind said.
silouette staring me down; what is this. you are waht i need. you are what i want. walking through the daze imagining what could be, what should be.
pretty green eyes, well rounded figure. cute smiles, and funny laughs. This is what you are.
heart skipping, skin blussing,hairs tingiling, stomach churning, its what you do.
smile on my face as if it is christmas morning, jealous rage filling my head,unwanted feelings float about.
the beauty of the lake swarms about. tullips flurishing all about. the wet soggy spring smell in the air.
running through the sprinkler. first kiss in the rain. adreanaline pumping through the vains. the uncanted beauty of this is almost as good as you.
its not what we do, its what you do to me. theat feeling you feel deep down, the urge you get when spotting me in a crowd.
sunshine in the air, darkness on the floor. wind

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: kinda just a random writing.. i did it without editing what so ever, and just wrote what came out, no thought or plan. just what my mind said.
silouette staring me down; what is this. you are waht i need. you are what i want. walking through the daze imagining what could be, what should be.
pretty green eyes, well rounded figure. cute smiles, and funny laughs. This is what you are.
heart skipping, skin blussing,hairs tingiling, stomach churning, its what you do.
smile on my face as if it is christmas morning, jealous rage filling my head,unwanted feelings float about.
the beauty of the lake swarms about. tullips flurishing all about. the wet soggy spring smell in the air.
running through the sprinkler. first kiss in the rain. adreanaline pumping through the vains. the uncanted beauty of this is almost as good as you.
its not what we do, its what you do to me. theat feeling you feel deep down, the urge you get when spotting me in a crowd.
sunshine in the air, darkness on the floor. wind

Wow, this is really cool, spuratic stuff, sw33t...

I saw this deep rant/slam, seems to come natural for you but, if you're talking "poetry" then try something like this...

Silhouette staring me down;
what is this?
you are what i need.
you are what i want.
walking through the daze imagining
what could be,
what should be.
pretty green eyes,
well rounded figure.
cute smiles,
and funny laughs.
This is what you are.
heart skipping,
skin blushing,
hairs tingling,
stomach churning,
its what you do.
smile on my face
as if it is Christmas morning,
jealous rage filling my head,
unwanted feelings float about.
the beauty of the lake swarms about.
tulips flourishing all about.
the wet soggy spring smell in the air.
running through the sprinkler.
first kiss in the rain. a
drenaline pumping through the veins.
the incanted beauty of this
is almost as good as you.
its not what we do,
its what you do to me.
that feeling you feel deep down,
the urge you get
when spotting me in a crowd.
sunshine in the air,
darkness on the floor.
windy days in a field,
picnic in the sun,
holding you in my arms forever
and always.
its what i want.
the feelings you give me,
amplify back to you.
four years now,
the feeling doesn't dissipate.
you look like an angel,
ever changing and always glistening.
holding your hand,
looking deep in your eyes,
lying in your arms;
hoping everything will be right.
pushing that feeling out,
pushing that feeling
of betrayal
and pain out.
you took the sun and made it black.
you broke my heart in a way
that can never be mended.
you crushed my soul,
and the worst part is
you don't even know...
you don't even know....

Here's the thing...poetry is not words shot down on a page without thought or editing...it is the deliberate creation of images that convey a message, image or emotion to another. As far as a topic or theme, your post has merit,but can be condensed to read: I love you and wanted to be with you forever, but you didn't know it, and now you've broken my heart. That's it. The last line is a keeper, but other than that, you need to take all your "notes" and whittle them down until you have a few lines that say all that needs to be said in order to communicate your theme.

I'm not being mean, I want you to understand that an artist can't throw a can of paint on a canvas and say, "here's a painting I'm working on, I didn't use a brush or an outline, I just threw the paint up there...what do you think?" Poets can't do that either. Now, if you're serious, settle down and do what it takes to write a good poem, take a look at your original notes and pick out certain images that go together. Decide on a style or form (don't use rhymed couplets) and try to put them together so that you don't need a lot of words to get your message across.

...and keep writing

a promising piece but try to edit it and revise & rewrite in prose then post under books/authors.
A little attention to spellings will make it quite good.

Good that you're trying. I found myself feeling frustrated instead of desirous of reading it . Its lack of form, style, flow and overall willie nillie helter skelter was assaulting.

Just being honest.

Alot of what the first guy said is true. You can't just write down whateve you're thinking and call it poetry. You can do that if you plan on revising and editing. But at the same time, I think that if you were to sit down and go through it, pick out what you like and throw away what you don't like, it could be decent.

I like your free flowing poem. Catharsis. This is not random writing this is how a poet bleeds. Good imagery!, tighten it up and give it some form and substance..

The change of direction is abrupt. do not change that. the impact of "jealous rage" right after "Christmas morning" is powerful ..

There is something here that reminds my of the character Andy Hart , or Mr. Cellophane as he called himself in the film version of Chicago.

The ending " and she doesn't even know" gives the whole thing a certain clout. ownership . Like telling her would diminish or trivialize the feelings of betrayal.
Yes this works. Thank you for sharing it.