Can you help me with my poem?

Question:UNPURE LOVE

As I sit on the edge of the bed and untie my shoe
Tears stream down my face, as I think of you
And all we once had, when our love was fresh and pure
Before you started to get aroused by cow manure

and then our love making took on a sickly smell
And though I should have been heaven, instead it was hell
So---EACH NIGHT----I LAY AWAKE---and CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP
Instead of counting sheep, I lie alone each night and weep!

As I snuggle into bed, with my teddy bear beside me
I think of all the times, that you could not see
that the smell of dung was not my fondest thing in bed
In fact I used to hold you with a sense of dread

Your thoughts so far????? I'm kind of envisioning Barry Manillow singing it, as I write it. What do you think????

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: UNPURE LOVE

As I sit on the edge of the bed and untie my shoe
Tears stream down my face, as I think of you
And all we once had, when our love was fresh and pure
Before you started to get aroused by cow manure

and then our love making took on a sickly smell
And though I should have been heaven, instead it was hell
So---EACH NIGHT----I LAY AWAKE---and CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP
Instead of counting sheep, I lie alone each night and weep!

As I snuggle into bed, with my teddy bear beside me
I think of all the times, that you could not see
that the smell of dung was not my fondest thing in bed
In fact I used to hold you with a sense of dread

Your thoughts so far????? I'm kind of envisioning Barry Manillow singing it, as I write it. What do you think????

Well, since I once dated Barry, I think he would really love this.
I will forward him a copy and see what he says....
BTW, you are a freaking song-writing genius!!!

WOW!!! i like it, but how about a more serious approach? maybe omit some of the lines that reference pooh, unless that was the point.

Simply amazing....

It's like reading Schiller or Goethe!!!

so it appears you were in love with a dog. What about something about it chasing its own tail? or if you want to go for it smelling others butts!

That was soo moving ......
* weeping tears of joy *