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Question: The end is near!.!.!.!.!. i hope you like it!.!.!.!.!.!?
the pain in me
is not time to see
creeping death is at my door
should i open or wait some more
my life is a black hole
its like that cuase i have no soul
the black i feel
is just to real
the war is almost over
look over my bloody shoulder
my mind is sick
my wounds i lick
emo is not a word
its a free bird
now i am
at the end
my name is chris
and ignorance is bliss
thouse who die are justified
wearing the badge and they re cloths in white
the blood seeps in
the fight i can not win
the end!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I won't say it's bad, although it isn't to my taste!. When I want to read melancholic or sad poetry I always have Dickinson!. And I rarely read melancholic poems from poets I don't know because I often find they're just depressing!.
What I will say that writing 22 lines in 11 stanzas is a very effective way to discourage people from reading more that 2 stanzas!. Unless using an unusual arrangement adds something specifically intended to your poetry, I think, you shouldn't use it!.
also parts of it don't make sense to me (but that may just be a lack of common experience)!. also the end seems to be made up of more or less random rhymes not particularly intended to convey anything!.
also the imagery is cliche, weak and rarely fully formed!.
Basically you won't be winning any awards for this!. You also won't be likely to get an audience of more than 10!. It is however useful as an experiment and if it has some personal meaning then that value is more important than what the poem is to a reader who lacks that special connection!. It could also probably do reasonably well as a song , especially with some heavy instrumentals (to cover the gaps in meaning and the floppy images)!.
Hopefully my comments aren't too harsh, they're intended purely as constructive criticism!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
'my name is chris
and ignorance is bliss'
Stick a tune under that, and there's a guaranteed Ivor Novello award coming your way!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
OMFG YOU ARE EMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
goodWww@QuestionHome@Com
Do yourself a favour!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.flash yourself down the toilette!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
OH my god, are you being serious!?!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
hmmm!.!.!. i feel for uWww@QuestionHome@Com