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Question: Why is it often so difficult to let go of past hurts and to let ourselves heal!?
So often one obsessed by misery spends the bulk of their time picking at their own emotional scabs, re-opening old wounds that never seem to have enough time out of the light of day to fester!. So often one who wants only to feel better even if only just once in awhile - can't!. So often our miseries possess us and no matter how much we wish to release ourselves from their grip, we simply can't seem to find such an ability within ourselves!.

Why do we so often cling to those things which hurt us and keep us from living up to our full potential!?Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
We are in possession of a learning mechanism and it is based on repetition!. It actually is the basis for what is called brainwashing!.
When a thought, positive or negative, is repeated sufficiently we acquire a habit and eventually an addiction!. So the short answer is that we can become addicted to the chain of pain you refer to!.

In order to break that chain and our addiction to it we need to use up enough energy on creating new habits or addictions!. This takes what we call will power and actually first must come the knowledge of what is going on upstairs!. This will power requires energy to observe what is happening in the moment and deciding to redirect it to something else!. There is only so much energy and time so that is the key to the solution!. Oddly enough we need to become addicted to different thoughts, sensations, feeling, and thereby beliefs!.

There is an old saying that I remember kids in my youth using a lot!. It may have been inspired!. It was ``You are what you say``!.
We become what we think, what we spend our time complaining about, judging about, congratulating about, encouraging about, dreaming about, in other words where we invest our energy!.

Cheers!Www@QuestionHome@Com

We are at our most vulnerable when we let ourselves care and we invest time into that relationship with hopes of the future!. The more we invest, the deeper we get involved, the harder it is to let go of those hopes when the relationship ends!. We WANT to make it work, we TRY hard to make it work, and the disappointment when it doesn't can be overwhelming!.

As trite as it sounds, time, my friend, is the great healer for emotional wounds!. It helps to remember the things that person did to us that hurt us so much!. If they could do nasty things to us, did they ever really love us!?

Good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It takes time to resolve those negative feelings!.!.!.!. Its only normal to have these negative feelings from being hurt, yet in order to forget we have to accept and face what these feelings are about!.!.!. We have to confront those "unforgiving feelings" with honesty and work through them!.!.!.!. Otherwise, those negative feelings will begin to control your life, effecting not only your well being but those who come into your life!.!.!.
Its important that one realizes, that this process doesn't mean that one isn't responsible for their actions or the consequences, we all have that accountability!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

That's how we learn!.

That's how babies learn to walk - to not fall and be hurt again by the ground!. To remember the ground is hard and painful at impact!.

That's how we learn, to not suffer the same fate again comes next time!. We replay the pain reel to reel to know what to do in the future!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Because we have no teacher to guide us through what we needed to learn!.
When we were babies we would fall and may or may not scrap our knee or sometimes worse, there was always someone there to show us what to do!. Wipe off the dirt or go to the doctor!.
If we didn't have that help would we not just lay there!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Because we don't want to let go, we want to feel sorry for ourselves because we feel like nobody else does!. We are missing the point!.!.the point is you live and then you die so live to your fullest because it's all you can do!. What's done is done!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

The lack of acceptance!. The deep seated feeling that we can fix anything if we just think on it a bit!. We only find that sometimes, forces spin out our control!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Here's my two cents: Emotional injuries sting, and repeated emotional wounding causes trauma, which is a type of emotional scar!. My aunts and my mother got together every holiday to drink!. Every single time, they had wicked arguments about things that happened 40 years ago!. I used to think they were just petty, but I don't think that any longer!. They wanted their pain to be validated, which means they wanted to be heard!. Not being heard caused them extreme bitterness and anger!.
It took me some 54 years to let go of my self pity, and I was quite aware I had it!. Emotional problems are difficult for people!.Www@QuestionHome@Com