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Position:Home>Philosophy> What to do when visting a grave ?Question: What to do when visting a grave !? Hi Folks,
It is all a bit sad, I know!. But my Dad passed away about 5 yrs ago, and I find it more difficult to shine up the stone, put flowers in the pot, etc!. I am not a morbid creature, and enjoyed his life, so am I contemplating my own demise I wonder !? I visit my Fathers' resting place less & less!. What do you think !? BobWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Having had my father pass way three years ago I feel the loss!. I think your reaction is normal and health!. When someone is alive we see them at a place, a time, etc!. There is a physical presence to them, a binding to the here and now that we don't fully realize!. Once they are gone we long for that presence again, to touch, to hear them, to see them!. We create a need to place them again, which is why we feel a need to visit their resting place!. It is a heart felt need this longing to place the metaphysical in the physical!. But in the end they have gone to remain only in our memories, were their spirit lives as part of us; the physical remains are in the end not that meaningful!. To help with sorrow go the final resting place but find meaning in his life by living yours!. Look by memory to find the smile of a forgotten yesterday!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It's always very hard to visit the final resting place of a loved one!. When they first pass away, you visit as much as you can, because their memory is still so close!. But as time passes, you get used to living without them in your life, and visit the grave less and less!. But you still keep care of their grave to show that they were important in life, and are still important to you in death!. Go enough to keep the grave looking good, and make sure it doesn't turn into you never visit!. I don't think you would be contemplating your own demise!. It's just hard to death with someone's death!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I think it is natural, over time, to visit the grave of a loved one less and less!. As humans we are naturally predisposed to life, not death!. I am sure you loved your Dad very much, but don't feel guilty for not visiting his grave as often as you used to!. Maybe talk to other family members about sharing responsibility for looking after his grave!. Other than that, remember the good times you had together!. I am sure he would like that!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Having my mom and dad both in the ground, two brothers and a host of aunts, uncles and friends I can tell you simply I don't go period!!! For me life is a magic that fills the body and when it leaves it's as though you've turned off a light!. The body is simply the vehicle that operated the light force system!. Once that life has left the body the show is over!.!. I've watched life flow out of people in combat and simply feel an obligation to keep them alive in my mind but as far as the graves and grave site visits, they don't happen for me!. In my mind a person is alive as long as we remember them in life, the grave stone, flowers and markers are something all together different!. I've asked my wife to cremate me and flush my ashes down the toilet and move on with her life!. If she or my kids remember me as I was then I continue to exist!. If not, well then I, like many before me will simply disappear into history!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com My MOm passed away 2 years ago, I love her madly, even now I cry when I think of her!. But I am visiting her grave less and less to, it happens because I realize she is not there any more!. If I wn to talk to her I talk to her any way at home or wherever I am!. but with us i different we pay someone to look after her grave and we always go to visit her grave on her Bday and on most of celebrations!. Dont feel bad it is perfectly natural Www@QuestionHome@Com I think you should visit his grave if you are ever upset or in trouble, because you could talk to his grave and once you have explained your problem you will probably know what he would have said!. It would also help you feel as if he has neven really gone, but you just can't see him!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Sorry for your loss Bob!.!.!.!.!. I lost my Dad back in 2000 and it still hurts! I too find it more and more difficult to visit!.!.!.!.!. but I think it's all part of the grieving process!!.!.!.!.!. I still go on occasion with Mum!.!.!.!. then again, she actually goes to look after about 6 graves including Dad's! My philosophy is!.!.!.!. as long as the grave is reasonably tidy, and can be read, and flowers are placed on the 'special occasions'!.!.!.!. then that's OK! I think the True Answer has to come from Your heart!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Shines are for the living!. Your father really isn't there, his remains are!. As you advance in years, you'll be able to visit less and less!. My grandparents visited their parents graves on decoration day up near to the end of their lives!. Traditions die hard!. In some ways, it's cathartic to pay our respects!. But in other more personal ways, they live on in our hearts and minds!. Www@QuestionHome@Com Let it go!. You have honored your father!. Obviously you have dealt with the emotional issues and now they are fading into the past!. This is a good thing!. The whole concept of graveyards is to bury the past!. It has been done!. Walk away!. You have done your duty!.Www@QuestionHome@Com dear bob, this is diicult enjoy what you had at the time he was alive and the time you had with him!. i have lost both mine and time will help!. i dont know how old you are but time helps Www@QuestionHome@Com Sorry for your loss but when I visit my Dad's grave I just talk to him like he was there!. It makes me feel better & while there I just tidy the area around his stone!. I understand its hard to do but I go every 3-4 mthsWww@QuestionHome@Com |