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Question: Can you answer these!? Obligation to family!.!.!.!?
I spent my life struggling with the statement "You act better than us" I would think in my mind, I am!. Is it truly wrong to think this, is it terrible to bear the guilt of wanting to be better than what I came from!? Why is that my family places upon me obligation to them, when they were never obligated to me!? I can't help but think and know I am right, it is who I am!. My obligation is to myself and yes in a selfish way, more so now, than ever!. Why is this socially considered evil!.!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Wow!.!.!.this is a loaded question!.!.!.PC always stars some good ones!.!.!.
I had to read this a couple of times to think it through!.!.!.
Self awareness and self-confidence are wonderful things to have!.!.!.
Society historically sets up boundaries and guidelines to establish order, and yes, control!. In theory, it is for the protection and better good of the group and has some validity!.
The rebels and adventurers and visionaries among us always find some way to step outside the rules and head down some more challenging, mysterious, or lucrative path!.
We have varied motives and goals, but most of the time, we end up stepping on a few toes along the way!.
With that said!.!.!.my experience and my beliefs are along these lines!.!.!.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to better oneself, become the best that one can be in life, or obtain the lifestyle that one desires!.
The degree that one wishes to share his or her experiences, knowledge, or gain varies greatly, and is a matter of personal choice and belief!.
It is, however, usually foolish to classify oneself as "better" than another!.
Better is a matter of definition, and our societal definitions of it are questionable at best!.!.!.
Is someone better because they are wise, or educated, or kind, or generous, or healthy, or strong, or funny, or helpful, or brilliant, or ambitious, or content, or wealthy, or reasonable, or thoughtful, or focused, or creative!? Every one of these characteristics can also have a negative side if taken too far!.!.!.
Better is often a matter of situation or circumstance!.!.!.
If you are hungry and in New York City, it's probably better to be wealthy!. If you are hungry and in an Amazon jungle, it is probably better to be strong!.
People have many different characteristics and traits and personality types and backgrounds!. Which are best and most desirable and useful depends on specific situations and times!.
People who have wisdom understand this, and recognize the strengths and positive characteristics of those they encounter throughout life as well as their weaknesses and negatives!.
Some characteristics that are considered negative in normal circumstances, may be the ones that are most beneficial in extreme circumstances at another time!.
People who keep an open mind learn things daily from circumstances and people that others ignore or disregard!.
As to your specific situation and question- if you come from a situation of abuse or neglect or poverty or ignorance, the situation itself led you to develop skills and techniques that you use to cope and interact with the world on a daily basis!.
We are all born, live, and die!. Time and chance cannot be controlled!. Our circumstances and lives can be very different!. We have some choices about how we live until we die, and most people who choose to look down on others or categorize themselves as "better" do so because they have a need to feel superior -
That need is born of insecurity!.!.!.
People who are secure in themselves and healthy don't actually feel compelled to compare themselves to others!. Their measure of success is within!.
Obligation is a matter of perspective and situation- something people will try to place on you in many ways and for many reasons!.
The key is to know yourself, know what is right for you, based on your personal circumstances and experiences, and manage the obligations that you choose to accept as responsibilities!. If you do this, then you will be at peace and not view the others as obligations- they will be options or choices instead!.
It will be considered evil by those who feel they have the right to determine your obligations!.:pWww@QuestionHome@Com
There shouldn't be any guilt in the idea of making the most of yourself and allowing yourself a better life & future than that seemingly mapped out for you by following your parents footsteps!.
Your folks are there to lead you into the world but you eventually start making your own decisions & taking your own path!. That, however, shouldn't give them any right to look down on you unless, perhaps, you're leading a lifestyle which they worry about for reasonable reasons e!.g!. heavy drug use!.
Your situation suggests though that maybe you're going in positive directions that they wish they'd taken themselves, hence why you're seen to "!.!.!.act better!.!.!." than them!.
All the best!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
No 10 points for me!.
No you should never think you are better than someone!. It doesn't matter what you have or what you do!. Saying you are better than a family member or a friend you make that person worth less in your mind!. All people are equal and have potential for greatness!. Your surroundings, training or luck is the only thing that allowed you to reach a different potential!.
What you can believe is that you are a great person!. You are talented!. You are the best you can be!. Nobody is perfect!. You learn from your mistakes!. Everybody has knowledge they can give me to make my life better!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's frowned upon in a social context because when speaking of it and it alone, it's an anti-social characteristic!.
However, for the record, I don't think it necessarily makes you a bad person!. There are plenty of parents who don't deserve the respect of their offspring!. So not knowing your specific situation, I have no basis upon which to form an opinion either for you or against you!. Sometimes feelings such as yours are warrented, sometimes they're not!. Only you can know for certain!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
if you come from "trash" or a family of hipocrytes, addicts, felons, then why wouldn't you want ot be better than them!? there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself!. that is not selfish!. now what would be selfish, or carrying your "i'm better than you" attitude, would be turning your back on them when they truly need you!. (not to be mistaken with being manipulated)Www@QuestionHome@Com
If you thought of yourself as beneath everyone else they would have a problem with that too!. (Everybody has to be equals!) Well, I got news people, everyone IS NOT equal! Not by a long shot!. Why should we make these people go through life being lied to!? Some people don't have intelligence, potential, grace, tact, morals, sympathy, etc!.
If all they can do is try to make you feel guilty about wanting to be better than your roots, then so be it!. Don't dwell on it, or then YOU lose!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
it is human nature to strive to be the best, and you can be pushed or pulled into or against it!.!.!.!. look at tiger woods, or lindsay lohan!? pushed and pulled
the question is are you uppity from it, do you act better than them, or are you humble!? bible christ <the mightyest being on earth> humbled himself and washed the feet of his deciples!.!.!.!. like a slave would
truth be told you are no better than anyone else!.!.!.!. but the other side is that you are no worse than anybody!.!.!.!. because Jesus IS LORD OF ALL
and this is what got satan in troublle!.!.!.thought he was better than god!.!.!.ooopsWww@QuestionHome@Com
I don't consider it evil, nor do, I'm sure, a lot of people!. As long as you're modest!.
You have no obligations unless you have agreed to accept them!. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Here in lies the problem I see!.
Instead of recognizing that there exists two separate definitions of success!.
One being that of a particular family member and the other your own!.
You assume that that one is automatically better!.
Success, growth and progress are measured differently by different people!.
I agree that you must remain true to your definitions of these terms but I do not agree that you should assume that they are more valid than say a family members for this is true only on an individual level as far as specifics are concerned!.
Thus the attitude that is projected on your part results in resentment because you fail to consider that you simply differ in the way you measure these terms!.
If you were to express that you are motivated by these terms and then define them and compare them to the definitions used by those that resent you then you would likely find headway with regards to this impasse!.
If you insist on maintaining that your standards are the only valid standards for marking advancement with regards to the above terms than it is likely that you will continue to draw resentment from your family!.
Communication is far better than simply assuming that you are correct without exception!.
You should hear out your families definition of success and ask that they do the same!.
I am relatively certain that if you do so you will find that your basic ideas are probably not that juxtaposed!.Www@QuestionHome@Com