Position:Home>Philosophy> What do you guys think of this poem I wrote a while back?( I was 19 now 20 when
Question: What do you guys think of this poem I wrote a while back!?( I was 19 now 20 when I wrote this,)!?
Summertime
8/21/07
I remember how summer was a more than a friend
the light shined through my body as if there was darkness in my heart!.
The rays layed upon me to sweat out every secret I ever had to overturn the cold!.
The sun kept me from hibernating into a world where no step had ever entered but mine
keeping me away from an ice age that would kill the possibities of life in my own universe!.
As summer progressed it released a heat in which I had never felt run through my skin
the sensation of its bursting energy turned on a switch in which made me lose control of my senses!.
It was if I had become a different person, a person who I could not recognize as I walked past the mirror daily!.
Could it be that this energy had completely taken control of my mind!.
I had promised myself that I would not be a victim of exhaustion, just being in its presence makes me thirsty!.
The simplest glare from it makes me blind , making it impossible for me to see the face it was hidding!.
As I break away from summer I had learned that too much sun can lead a man to see things that are not really there
making the view more like a mirage showing people things that are non-existant!.
The advice I took from others before me was to stay in the shade , once summertime comes around again you will be
prepared to handle the heat!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
i like it ,,,!.!.!.but i would like to suggest something as i m also a poet and writer !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.the long sentences in poem !.!.!.!.!.create a burden on the reader!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.try to create a natural place for POETIC ELEMENTS like
1 more figures of speech
2 melody
3 rhyme scheme !.!.!.!.if u can
4 strength to idea
5 clarity of thoughts
6 lucidity
i say it is a nice poem if u r a novice !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.keep writing !.!.!.!.!.!.!.best of luckWww@QuestionHome@Com
Poetry, like all artforms, has no scientific boundaries!.
Shakespeare made up his own words!.
Dickens didnt rhyme at all!.
I write songs, which require rythym and rhyme!.
But you, you have your own style!. It comes from the heart, which is the most important poetic element!.
Without this element, poetry would not exist!.
You are a champion!.
Keep on writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Wow! It uses lots of fancy language!. I reckon poems like this one should be in philosophy because they are thoughtful, which is basically what philosophy is all about!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
it's not bad, you have a few rhythm issues, but I liked the atmosphere you created!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Whats with all the poems in the PHILOSOPHY section when they are not questions!?Www@QuestionHome@Com