Question Home

Position:Home>Philosophy> I am asking for you to read my poem. Will you?


Question: I am asking for you to read my poem!. Will you!?
You've been lying on those cold, rusty tracks for some time!.
You move and turn but when you cry,
There is always one tear that reaches the cold metal against your cheeks!.
The metal rusts and it freezes right next to you!.
From your mouth, blood trickles!.
But only a little!
Keep it up and it won't be long before the blood is falling, pouring, gushing!.
That horn starts to go!.
Muffled sounds come, and you go hysterical!.
The blood is pouring now!.
It's dark, yes, but there is no doubt that light is bright upon your face!.
Don't you see that light!?
Isn't it burning your eyes!?
The horn is getting louder, more frantic!.
The rails next to your face are scratched!.
Metal on metal!.
The burning coal fills your nostrils!.
You know in the back of your wretched mind, it can't stop!.
Don't tear up!.
Stop the muffled screams!.
Oh the blood is drying on the tracks!
Thoughts of the metal slicing into your flesh,
Thoughts of the sharp edge going straight into your veins!.

*not done*Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I liked it! Gruesome, twisted and sexy at the same time!. Very nice, keep up the good work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it sounds like this person is dying on the train tracks!? it is disturbing but that probably is what you intended!.

i personally don't think its great, if you explained the meaning it will sound better!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

too much blood and veins in it dear, while the rest of the construction sounds as if you struggled with words instead of feeling them!. I'm sorry but I think you should at least re-write it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

sureWww@QuestionHome@Com