Position:Home>Philosophy> Wrote a poem any critiscm would be greeat( other than my spelling ::P)?
Question: Wrote a poem any critiscm would be greeat( other than my spelling ::P)!?
Im kind aupsert a little unsure of things so this is what came out:
I sit here and try to prove to myself I have a point!.
Unsure of what this point is!.
thinking it over in my head!.
It sure makes sense there!.
But when I try to explain it ,
it doesnt make sense to anyone!.!.not even myself!.
sitting in here by myself,
making myself suffer!.
Knowing I can make everything back the way it was
with one word!.
But would that prove anything!.
Would that achieve what I want!?
Just thinking of it makes my eyes swell with tears!.
I can go on my way pretending everything is fine!.
Always trying to prove that I have my own ground!.
But I always cave!. Not this time!.
I think i need to hold my ground!.
well that would be a first!.
I'll sit here and prove this point
I'll gain something once I do,
Or will!?
Its a tad bit sketchy!.!.!.!.but its kinda my thoughts thinking to each other and with reality tangling with them!.
anything would be great!.!.thnx again!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Okay, I am going to agree with, um, that guy named 'dude' lol!. It does not seem to fit a poem!. But I think I know what your intentions were!. I would consider it more of a writing piece than a poem because it is mostly your thoughts!. Poems are usually written in some structural way, but anyways I know you don't want to hear what a poem is or isn't!.
It is sketchy but the content is very good!. You have a lot of ideas floating around in there, but I do see there is one central 'point' as you put it in there!. You really just need to correct some grammar, structure it a bit, and most importantly make it flow nicely!. The words should flow naturally, and clearly!.
It seems like what you wrote is based on something you believe in!. You don't know really how to explain it, except that you feel it is there and somehow you can't understand it!. You feel it would solve a current problem, if you only knew how to use it!. That's my interpretation of your writing, so I'm just telling you so maybe it helps you see if what you want your reader to understand is getting across!.
Anyway, I think it is pretty good!. You could turn it into a poem, or you could fix it up a bit and keep it a short writing!. Oh, and I think if you added a title for it, it would give it a nice touch! Hehe, I guess I'm being a little picky now!. Well I hope I gave you some helpful criticism, if you need any more help (or criticism 8P) feel free to ask! 8)Www@QuestionHome@Com
WHY are you suffering!?What point are you try to prove!? Who are you try to prove a point too!?Yourself or someone else!? What will you gain!?Or will!? dont you mean,Your will!? You should think off!? the thoughts sound alot like my when I'm figureing out something in my Head, and try to decide the best way to proseed! Most poems rhymes ,Your poem don't rhyme,And you sound ,a little sad, You take care, God bless you!. take care!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
for the love of all that is holy!.
THIS IS NOT THE POETRY SECTION!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com