What steps should be taken so as not to fall apart when that eventually happens!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
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Position:Home>Philosophy> Is there any foolproof way to help face imminent death of a loved one stoically?Question: Is there any foolproof way to help face imminent death of a loved one stoically!? What steps should be taken so as not to fall apart when that eventually happens!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Param, So sorry to hear of your imminent loss!. I can't add much to the responses, just a personal note: Despite a long illness, preparation and understanding about the inevitable outcome, when it happened it was a shock!. At first, I was numb and busy with many details!. With all the relatives, it felt like a family reunion at times!. With all the interactions, I was often to active to feel the impact all at once!. The emotions came in waves!. No need to be stoic!. You don't need that extra pressure!. Let yourself mourn!. Its normal!. It is what we have to do!. And it gets better!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Speaking hypothetically because I haven't really tried this !.!.!. I suggest planning on falling apart!. If you can now accept that you'll be hit with emotions the likes of which you can't anticipate or imagine ahead of time, and accept that you'll be swept away by them for some time, and that they will pass, I think you stand a better chance of appearing stoic when you're really not!. You won't be stoic -- but you can allow yourself to say yes to all your emotions, to hurt and not fight it; I think maybe it's the fighting that is the most painful and ungraceful part of mourning!.Www@QuestionHome@Com No there is no foolproof way!. I'm sorry but we all face this inevitability with mixed emotions and "stoically" is only one of them!. We will stand brave and true for the most part, we will break with our hearts, we will cry for the loss, and we will face it stoically!. But all these stands and emotions are different tracks we travel on during the stress of the coming loss we are about to face!. We should not HAVE to face such a great loss STOICALLY we should have the right and freedom to see it with all of our emotions, all of our strengths, and all of our weaknesses!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Don’t ask the impossible of yourself, dear!. We are Human, and so we HOPE!. “Knowing” that someone is near the end doesn’t extinguish the hope; there’s always one more thing to try, and when there’s not, we still carry that secret desire for a miracle!. And that is the way it should be; otherwise we would lose our loved ones before they were gone!. To show emotion is not “to fall apart”, the release is how we heal!. Visit as often as possible!. The physical contact, for both you and your mother, is the best comfort!. If she is not feeling well, turn on music, or a film, and just sit next to her, or hold her hand!. Talk as often as possible!. If you cannot visit, call or write!. Let her know you are thinking of her, and that you love her!. Cry as often as possible!. This is not weakness; it is an expression of love!. The best way to be strong is for the family to cry together!. Let the love be seen!. Laugh as often as possible!. Share memories, or if you don’t want to talk, watch movies that make you laugh!. For me, the best “preparation” is to accept that my life is going to be different!. When you lose someone that means so much to you, it changes your life!. It changes who you are!. To be “stoic”, to try to keep your life and yourself the same will only hurt you!. Most of all, remember: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Acting stoic in such poignant and tender moments like that goes diametrically against your loving and sensitive nature - so do NOT even try it, my dear Momma Param!. Cry your heart out and even fall apart all you need (okay don't start cussing and cursing the Universe but) - get the immediate shock of the loss and the normal human reaction out of your system!. All the people that I know who tried to be stoic about their losses either came down with a serious illness, ended up croaking themselves, or promptly jumped off a bridge, shortly thereafter!. So DO get the shock of the loss out of your system the best way YOU know how!. And though time will eventually heal all wounds, be prepared to always be revisited by some residual pain and the loss of the tactile interaction, too; after all, that's only human!. There will eventually come a time, however, when you have to truly honor your love for your loved one by keeping him/her alive through daily reminders of your loving and happy memories!. And don't forget, you have your other family members and loved ones (not to mention, all of us - your Y!A family members) to worry about, too!. Not unlike a Momma's LOVE, a Momma's responsibilities never end either - LIFE GOES ON; that's what it's all about!. :-) We maybe fleeting ripples on the fabric of spacetime, but we do leave our marks for the Universal Consciousness to remember!. http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=oiFTXckh0!.!.!. !.Www@QuestionHome@Com You cannot be "stoic" in this case!. It is ok to grieve & to talk about it with the loved one!. Crying doesn't mean you will 'fall apart'!. This is a process all of us will face at one time or another!. I am sorry for your pending loss!. Find a good friend with whom you can talk about your feelings!. I have been present and cared for many who were dying!. It is never easy!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Just say ur prayers, live a religious life, visit the places of worship & lead a simplre life!. U may visit Thiruvannamalai in India for peace of mind!. Go to the Ahrams there!. to realise the futility of this fragile existence!. Try to help as many people as u can, to make this life worthwhile!.Www@QuestionHome@Com No!. You may be stoic when the passing occurs and you may be stoic at the funeral!. You may be stoic even after it is all over and everyone has gone home!. Get ready to fall apart at some point!.Www@QuestionHome@Com You can try life extension!.Www@QuestionHome@Com To not to forget all of your shared memories together!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |