How do I regain myself?

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Question:

I don't where to start!.
I just got out of a verbally abusive relationship I guess!.!.!.
Everybody done told me I've change!. I use to be stronger than ever but I was WEAK for HIM!. Now I'm letting go and decide to love me first!. I need to learn how to love myself first thats my lack area!. Where do I begin!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

forgiveness of yourself is usually a pretty good start!. Remembering that you're worthwhile is also a good beginning!. I hope you learned that you can't find happiness by making yourself into something you don't really want to be!. I'm betting you didn't want to be weak, you just wanted him to love you!. Silly you, you forgot that when you change yourself for somebody elses whims you are not yourself anylonger!. Changing yourself because YOU want to be different leaves you still you though!. Well in anycase good luck to you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I can't add anything but absolute support to what those two posted ahead of me!. Only best wishes that life will treat you well from here on!.

I only know from my experience is that when people step on you you have two choices to make about yourself!. Be a stone that cannot be crushed and be an irritant so they will respect you!. Or be a grape that can be easily crushed!. I chose to be a rock!. Later!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

First of all, STAR for a very thought provoking question!

I think one way you can do that's kind of easy (compared to lots of deep psychological stuff) is to look at yourself two ways--as a "child" who needs to learn something, and as a "parent" who can teach it!. Parents don't really have training, but they go by their gut--every species has an instinct for what is nurturing to their young, don't they!? And those species with the "big brains" like humans know when they acting against that, don't they!? They feel GUILT afterwards, right!? So you could take your first steps at regaining yourself by treating yourself like you would treat your own beloved child!.

Loving parents help their children to "gain themselves"!. Evaluate what you do each day (or don't do) to and for youself in terms whether a loving parent would advise you differently than you are "allowing" yourself to live that day!. Evaluate who you spend time with, what you do for them, let them do to you, what you do for yourself, even your thoughts!. If you have negative thoughts about yourself, hurting thoughts or "stinkin thinkin" as I like to say, then STOP mid-thought when you realize it, and talk to yourself the way a loving parent would if they saw you suffering from your own stinkin thinkin!.

This is the easiest way I know to start getting back on track, and really it's a lifelong practice!. People-pleaser types especially are vulnerable to "bad boundaries" when it comes to defending our own well being vs!. letting others violate that!. Even in my late 50s, I follow the advice that I'm giving you myself when i get "too busy" at work and let my boss "abuse" me with work overload--I know this when I skip lunch, make myself wait to finish project after project while needing a bathroom break, etc!. I would NEVER to do that to a child I love--I'm my own parent now, and I shouldn't do that to myself!.

Make sense!? I think just the way you are seeking and asking is a sign that you have what you need inside of you to make this positive change for youself!. Best wishes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com