Position:Home>Philosophy> What do you think about this paragraph?
Question: What do you think about this paragraph!?
I took a position to write that mass media (I am only focusing on radio stations) is not own or dominated by a few corporations!.!.!. Please feel free to critique!
Fictional movies, books and shows such as 24, The X-Files and others have inspired many radical minority groups to belief that radios stations and among other mediums are in controlled by few corporations!. This misperception that few corporations are the dominated force in industry manipulation is a concept hyped by left wing and right-wing radical groups!. Behemoth corporations such as Clear Channel, Disney and Time Warner are publicly traded companies that hundreds of thousands of shareholders are the respected owners!. For instance, Clear Channel is by largest corporation in the radio station industry and it owns less than 10 percent of the radio stations nationwide, other companies than Clear Channel own 90 percent of the nation’s radio stations!. This corporation is a publicly traded company with approximately over 16 million shareholders!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
1)Fictional movies, books and shows such as 24, The X-Files and others have inspired many radical minority groups to belief that radios stations and among other mediums are in controlled by few corporations!.
2)This misperception that few corporations are the dominated force in industry manipulation is a concept hyped by left wing and right-wing radical groups!.
3)Behemoth corporations such as Clear Channel, Disney and Time Warner are publicly traded companies that hundreds of thousands of shareholders are the respected owners!.
4)For instance, Clear Channel is by largest corporation in the radio station industry and it owns less than 10 percent of the radio stations nationwide, other companies than Clear Channel own 90 percent of the nation’s radio stations!.
5)This corporation is a publicly traded company with approximately over 16 million shareholders!.
______________________________________!.!.!.
Critique:
A) statements #1 & #2 say essentially the same and can be combined into the following:
a1) Fictional media, such as 24, X-files, among others have inspired the misperception of radical minority groups: "That few corporations are the dominating force in industry manipulation!."
B) As it stands 3,4,5 need further clarification:
b1) What corporation in #5 has over 16-million shareholders!?
b1a) If "Clear Channel" then why in statement#3 is it only part of hundreds of thousands(100,000+split 3 ways between clear-channel, disney, and time warner amounts to only 33,000+); where we are lead to believe in your conclusion that "this corporation" has over 16-million shareholders!? (this could bite you in the butt, so to speak as info for a counter-argument for your inconsistency, though you meant to say in spirit" Hundreds of thousands of shareholders each belong to one of the following: Clear Channel, Disney, and Time Warner!. A subtle but potentially arguable-point!.!.!.
b1b) Change 3 to:
3) Behemoth corporations such as Clear Channel, Disney and Time Warner are publicly traded companies that {Millions} of shareholders are the respected owners!.
C) If it's the other corporations(Not-Clear Channel) then say so thusly:(statement#5)
Corporations other then Clear Channel, are publicly traded companies with approximately over 16 million-shareholders!.
D) Finally, I would make statement #4 your concluding remark, and possibly restate your hypothesis that "If this is the case, then it can't possibly be true that Radio-Stations are Only controlled by a few corporations!."Www@QuestionHome@Com
Needs some work to flow grammatically!. For example use "approximately more than" instead of "approximately over!." You've used "less than" previously and it just flows better!. "Are in controlled" should be "are controlled!." "The dominated force" should be "the dominating force!." "By left-wing" should be "by the left-wing!." "Is by largest" should be "is the largest!."
Hope this helps!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
your topic statement is good!. but the capacity to control the perspective of the masses is held by the media, as well as the involvement of popular culture!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
needs a little work, a few misused words (belief instead of believe ) maybe misconception!? and a few redundancies
Lousy at English so I'm not the one to critique!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
How is this a philosophical question!? What is your question!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Its solid!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Excellent piece of writing!. I might even show it to my friends!.Www@QuestionHome@Com