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Position:Home>Philosophy> Whats your take on this?Question: Whats your take on this!? When you were young!.
No worries!. No judgment!. No cares!. Definite enjoyment without discrete distain!. Our journeys were boundless without apprehension Of society’s structural tension!. The blank slate transforms into an encyclopedia Of volumes The sponge slowly becomes saturated with Water – thick, stodgy and dense Ignorance is lost!. The bliss never regained!. Of the youth once happy!. Now knowledgeable, now stained!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I immediately thought of Wordsworth's Intimations!.!. my all time favorite!.!. "THERE was a time when meadow, grove, and stream, The earth, and every common sight, To me did seem Apparell'd in celestial light, The glory and the freshness of a dream!. It is not now as it hath been of yore;— Turn wheresoe'er I may, By night or day, The things which I have seen I now can see no more!. The rainbow comes and goes, And lovely is the rose; The moon doth with delight Look round her when the heavens are bare; Waters on a starry night Are beautiful and fair; The sunshine is a glorious birth; But yet I know, where'er I go, That there hath pass'd away a glory from the earth!.!." - I think what you wrote is along the same path!. I think it is factual!.!. too bad everyone can't stop to see the reality of life, and live life as it should be lived!. !.Www@QuestionHome@Com It is more of a prose statement than a poem!. You are making a point but lacking poetry!. Mixing the image of a book and a saturated sponge is just bad wordsmithing!. A wet sponge would ruin a book!. "Definite enjoyment without discrete disdain" is a mouthful that doesn't flow (it is also spelled wrong)!. "Of the youth once happy" is a sentence fragment!. What is your message!? Live is good until you get knowledge and then it is miserable!? The knowledge you speak of is from on encyclopedia!. That is not the sort of knowledge that takes away innocence!. It is the lessons that life teaches you that can leave you a little sadder!. My thought is that you are writing about something that is a little too old for you!. Write about what you know!. Share some of your life's truths!. That makes for a good poem!. You are trying to express what is still just a cliche to you!. You might think that this is a hard critique but I am spending my time trying to share some real feedback because I think you really want to be able to write better!. This is my feedback and I do hope it helps you to look at your work with more of a critical eye!. Good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It sounds like second-rate verse by a Peter Pan that wished to remain in ignorance in perpetuity!. -JohnWww@QuestionHome@Com The ultimate statement of philosophical wisdom is "No man is twice as true as his brother's keeper!." Harleigh Kyson Jr!.Www@QuestionHome@Com i pay my respect to Mrs!. SCULPT_ ; bet she's a teacher (or has been) her remarks are ALMOST flawless; but I come in support to DR_BANKS !.!.!.and Peter PanWww@QuestionHome@Com So true!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |