Speaking your mind vs. biting your tongue?

Question:Where is the line drawn between speaking your mind and biting your tongue. In other words, when do you stop trying to be a good person to others and trying to speak your mind and stand up for yourself? What happens if standing up for yourself means hurting the other person?

Where is the line drawn? Do you speak your mind and hurt the other person, or bite your tongue, spare the other person but allow them to take advantage of you?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Where is the line drawn between speaking your mind and biting your tongue. In other words, when do you stop trying to be a good person to others and trying to speak your mind and stand up for yourself? What happens if standing up for yourself means hurting the other person?

Where is the line drawn? Do you speak your mind and hurt the other person, or bite your tongue, spare the other person but allow them to take advantage of you?

You draw the line where the person you want to be meets the person you don't want to be.

My answer doesn't even make sense to me. What I mean is, for instance, if you don't want to be bitter, angry, hurt etc., then you draw the line when you start to lean in whatever direction you don't want to go. You don't always have to "speak your mind" to "stand up for yourself". You can simply and calmly say "no". If asked why, simply tell them that their abuse - and taking advantage of a person IS abuse - is making you _________(whatever you don't want to be) and you don't want to be like that.

never hold your tounge when you think you should speak your mind and never speak your mind when you think you should hold your tounge.

When they cross your sense of morals then you speak up. If they are making fools of themselves trying to be wise it's best to bite the tongue. Telling a fool that he/she is wrong is like teasing a tiger in a cage, the reaction could be very scary.

Letting others drone on, and ignoring it, is sometimes the best thing to do, when all that person seems to want to accomplish is making noise and being argumentative.

On the other hand, when it crosses the line, and becomes abusive towards you, then you need to let them know that their behavior is inappropriate. In a calm but firm manner, tell them that their attitude needs to change, or that you will cut off communication with them.

I don't think people should ever hold their tongue.
No matter if it is mean, others deserve the truth.
I would rather be insulted than lied to.
How else is there ever to be any humanity or honesty in this world?

-Andreea

Definately standing up for yourself should be spoken. If someone is trying to take advantage of you then speak your mind and tell that person off even if it is a close friend. If someone is asking you something like, how do i look, then they want a truthful answer sometimes the truth hurts. Sometimes being a good person is telling the truth or speaking or mind.

there is no firm line

I speak my mind whenever someone else is trying to hurt me and I do this without hesitation.

That being said, there are ways of doing it that are less hurtful. I do not attack and I watch my tone of voice.

You have to stand up for yourself

Good luck.

Listen to Eckhart Tolle on Oprah.com. Download the player and watch for free, We are currently on week 5 of a 10 week program. You can watch each week and get caught up.

He says seek first to understand. If you need to speak your mind, do so with presence. Don't "react" to someone's unconsciousness with your own.

Speaking your mind is always a good thing reguardless of what the consequences may be. If someone has a problem with it elaborate on it.

I am always compelled to speak my mind. For me, my openness is a question of degree. How forceful will I be? Should I simply state my opinion and be done with it? In any case, I always speak my mind.

I find that communication works best this way. Other people will always know what I'm thinking about a given situation.

I've also found that tact can often be used when speaking my mind. For example, in cases when I am defending my point of view, I may acknowledge that the other person's position has merit. I will acknowledge that merit, but I will also maintain my outlook.

when the time comes for you to speak up, you will know it. if you are in any kind of doubt, don't do it. sometimes it is just not worth it. i have spoken up for very important reasons, such as health concerns, safety, etc. and take my word for it, if you are dealing with a certain kind of individual, you are going to end up getting bit. and unfortunately, we all have those kinds of people in our lives. and they may or may not be people whom we MUST get along with. so with people like that, just nod and say um hummm a lot and maybe, just maybe it will keep you out of trouble. but as i said, when the time comes that it is something very very important, wild horses couldn't keep you from speaking up. i don't believe being argumentative for the sake of being argumentative is a good thing. it will rarely keep you in good favor with anyone.

Unlike Andreea, I think some couth and tact needs to be used, rather than boorish words in the name of honesty. There aren't any cut and dried rules here because there are just too many scenarios, too many people and personalities that get thrown in to the mix.

I try not to be mean to people, except to bullies. Unlike Andreea, if a shy, respectful elderly lady with hairy warts all over her splotched, wrinkled face asked me if her face was pretty, I couldn't tell her the truth. I'd have to change the subject or something. Her personality and her soul might be the most beautiful things, but her face?

So you can't just say "always tell the truth". It's not that easy. I just try not to hurt anyone in the process of life.

Turn the other cheek,Breath in deeply count to ten, then let it out - Observe,Act, then Respond!

SPEAK SPEAK! Or FOREVER hold your PEACE!

When the mind and body are anxious and at unrest, and you feel threathened- SPEAK!

However, for entertainment's sake, if the other is a fool, and is known for being one, allow them to dig their grave even further.

A wise man fears and departs from evil,
But a fool rages and is self-confident.

Prov 14:16

A fool vents all his feelings,
But a wise man holds them back.

Prov 29:11

speak up don't be scared if the other person really cares about you they will respect you if not what do you care what they think

This is a difficult question that I'm facing now. In my situation, it's quite utilitarian. My situation has forced me to bite my tongue and endure an incredible amount of pain, rather than speaking out in order to ensure that the majority of my family is protected. I rarely choose such a path so I'm in the middle of an ordeal. I'm letting the person who means everything to me hurt because more people would be hurt if I didn't bite my tongue now.

As soon as I'm sure my family is protected, I will fight the injustice I haven't spoken out against for their sake. Sometimes the only way to be a good person is to speak your mind. Otherwise you may allow injustice to continue.

If you don't stand up for yourself against this other person, will this other person use your compliance as permission to do the same to others? Your behavior in this situation will train the person. In my humble opinion, you have a duty to take a stand, not just for you, but for others down the line who may be harmed the same way if you allow this to continue. It may hurt the other person, but he or she will know that his or her behavior isn't acceptable.

If you are on the defense, then definitely stand up for yourself. If someone's just doing something you don't necessarily agree with, then people will perceive you as judgmental and insensitive.

This is another situation that can only be decided on a case-by-case basis. There are no general principles that can be applied to this kind of problem.

Harleigh Kyson Jr.

sometimes it does not pay to speak your mind look at what you can loose by it or who you can hurt is it worth it old saying if you cant say something good dont say anything at all or you draw more bees with honey then with vinegar (enough of the old sayings) its ok to let them think they are taking advantage of you as long as you know the difference