Self image and identity - are we who we think we are or who others think we are?

Question:For years now I’ve set off on a mission of self growth and personal development. My aim has been to become a better person - more patient, compassionate, empathetic, honest, accountable, etc. Regardless of how much work I put into it and how I feel that I’ve become a better person, some people in my family still see me as a selfish and mean person and there are some of my personal relationships that are just wrought with conflict.

So who’s right here? Am I how I see myself or how others see me? What’s closer to the truth?

I’m confused about this and beginning to wonder what’s the use of working to become a better person when people in the world perceive me as opposite of who I think I am. Where am I falling short?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: For years now I’ve set off on a mission of self growth and personal development. My aim has been to become a better person - more patient, compassionate, empathetic, honest, accountable, etc. Regardless of how much work I put into it and how I feel that I’ve become a better person, some people in my family still see me as a selfish and mean person and there are some of my personal relationships that are just wrought with conflict.

So who’s right here? Am I how I see myself or how others see me? What’s closer to the truth?

I’m confused about this and beginning to wonder what’s the use of working to become a better person when people in the world perceive me as opposite of who I think I am. Where am I falling short?

Sad reality is, many people view themselves as how others perceive them. That's why they are so conscious about what others think and say (not to say i'm not but i'm aware of this & trying my utmost to change & just do my own 'thang without giving a hoot abt what others think!)

I say, leave the crowd and be your own individual, even if it means at the expense of a few strained relations. They are only strained because the other party doesn't want to give you freedom and autonomy to be your own person. He/She is trying to mould you into something else based on his/her own expectations... So even if it means cutting off ties completely, i'd do it...it'll be worth it because it is self-preservation, keeping your own life force, vitality & sanity in tact.

And honestly, if your self-image is just based on other's opinions, then you're in trouble! Because there're so many differing views out there, whom do you listen to? Then you'd become some kind of schizo, living a false life based on others' expectations.

So i say, don't be afraid of what others say. Go with being your own individual - that's the greatest freedom you can give yourself.

if you are honest with yourself, and you really are the person you say you have become, then it is them..
there is a saying.lose a flower and you can easily find another, lose your dignity,you will walk many miles to get it back...

Well.....I think you have changed but you don't expect OTHERS to see how much you have changed. If you expect someone to treat you a certain way, they will. I have been working on my own personal developement, so I know what I am talking about. It's kind of a reprogramming thing.....in your mind. Tell yourself over and over again that people WILL see you a certain way and they will =)

it is ok if you are a better person in deeds and words, it could be that your attainment of perfection to you is imprefection to your loved ones. Go deep and ask your self why you changed, was it because people were constantly complaining about your behaviours. Ask a trusted family member and friend to tell you how they see you because if alot of your loved ones cannot relate to you then you have problem and need to readjust your life in conformity with the norns acceptable in human relationships

I think its really hard for family to see your not the same person and you shouldn't go by what they think because they tend to get stuck in the past. I know I'm a better person and I am I always told by friends how nice I am but if you ask my sister she would refer to something that happened 6 years ago. I think you need to do it for yourself because it feels good to be a better person. If your not patient, compassionate and all those other things you will miss out on so much.

You are a human comparing your self to humans. That's where the problem is.
The real concern you should consider is " What does God think of you"? Because in the end that is what is going to matter.