Agreeableness, Extroversion and Social Grace?

Question:To start let me tell you, I'm not your typical agreeable, extroverted or friendly type. I'm generally introverted and withdrawn, and suffer from episodes of anxiety due to contravailing forces in the social environment.

While, on an intellectual level, I want to be more sociable, agreeable, extroverted, friendly, etc. and while I can understand what it is, it remains an abstract concept. Something I have found incredibly difficult to change in my life.

While some might say personality can't change, I think it can, with the right environment, and the right strategies, we can supress damaging behaviors and direct ourselves towards more positive attitudes.

If someone can honestly give me an answer you'll be saving me many years of anguish! Cheers.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: To start let me tell you, I'm not your typical agreeable, extroverted or friendly type. I'm generally introverted and withdrawn, and suffer from episodes of anxiety due to contravailing forces in the social environment.

While, on an intellectual level, I want to be more sociable, agreeable, extroverted, friendly, etc. and while I can understand what it is, it remains an abstract concept. Something I have found incredibly difficult to change in my life.

While some might say personality can't change, I think it can, with the right environment, and the right strategies, we can supress damaging behaviors and direct ourselves towards more positive attitudes.

If someone can honestly give me an answer you'll be saving me many years of anguish! Cheers.

You view the world on a primeval level seeing people as either predator or pray. Your introverted behaviour rings volumes. Hypothetically, I would imagine you a person set in their ways of hiding in the background at social functions, possibly because you have heightened awareness to all the outward shows of aggression and ignorance that are now vogue with the general population. You are bottling up all your rage and need an outlet to vent it. Go to your bedroom and hit your pillow for three minutes, the length of one boxing round.
See how your body feels after you have got your breath back.

Then try this once you are relaxed.

Close your eyes and imagine that you are walking along the middle of the road. At the sides there are hundreds of people watching you. Think about how you would hold yourself with all those eyes upon you.

Now...

Imagine you walk down the same road but you are the only person there. You would be much more relaxed and walking naturally without a thought to your appearance or body language.

The trick is to walk down the crowded street while imagining that you walk the empty one. < Old Zen trick>
When in company, focus on the people you are with, pretending that you are alone in the room. Apathy for what is happening around you will help you blend in most gatherings more than finding a quiet corner. It also works with those off the cuff comments that idiots use because it denies their words of any substance instead of a reaction they bait you for.

Most inportantly...SMILE.
Even the most plain of faces increases threefold in beauty with a big genuine smile. People always warm to them and relax breaking ice and tension.

Pax.

I believe that your environment and past experiences help to make up who you are as an individual. That's why everyone is different from everyone else (which, yes, means we're all the same in that we're all different, but that's not what we're talking about). So, yeah. I agree that if you were to consciously change your way of thinking about matters and to make friends with people who are more extroverted, your attitude towards things and how you deal with people would change.

You act and behave based on the past experiences and relationships you've had in your past. But you're right! This embedded road map in our minds CAN be changed/altered. All you have to do is make the real effort and put in work. I did it, and you can too. I read the book I'll share with you below, and it changed my life; seriously! Your subconscious mind can be altered in a matter of a few weeks through the efforts of your conscious mind. You have to make yourself aware of each and every thought, and then consciously and purposely change the unwanted ones to wanted ones. You can do it! You just got to; like Nike baby.

The book is: "Total Self Confidence" by Dr. Robert Anthony

I'm not kidding, this changed my life.

Peace!

yeah i suppose iam a little intoverted as well, but untill we find strength in ourselves, and can comfortably ( within reason) express ourselves honestly without stratagies and mind games i think our time spend with people can be a waste of time unless you just enjoy smiling and agreeing with people. right now i focus my thoughts and energy on what i have to say. If there is an opertunity for me to speak up and express myself i take it, and maybe i dont like speaking in front of a bunch on people but ill do it cause later on ill enjoy myself more. use your mind to focus on those social situations it worked for me, i can tune out everything else.