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Question: HELP PLEAE LOOk!!?
ello, My name is Mary ludwig Hays, you may all know me as Molly Pitcher!. I was born on October 13, 1754 in trenton, New Jersey and i moved to carlisle, pennsylavina!. My first job was when i moved to carlisle, I became a servant, When i was sixteen i married a barber and his name was William Hays!. When my husband decided to go to war, I tagged along with him!. now im going to tell you some of my memories!. In the battle of Monmouth on July 28,1778, the tempatures got really high, So i carried pitchers of water to the soldiers!. thats how i got my nickname Molly Pitcher!. When my husband and other men became wounded, I helped to tend them!.When i husband couldnt fight any longer in the battle of Monmouth!. i took over his place at the cannon!. After the battle, was the best day of my life, when general Washington found out about my heroic actions!. He then named me Sergeant molly!. In 1789, william hays died!. I then married George McCauleey, he was a revolutionary war veteran!. i died in the yearWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I would mention which war, you will get more points with the teacher!. Otherwise it is very interesting, I think everyone will enjoy it!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

You should also mention that a cannon ball went between her legs and carried away part of her petticoat and in spite of this, she continued to tend the artillery piece!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I would word the 2nd and 3rd line differently
also
change i to my on line 8Www@QuestionHome@Com