Position:Home>History> Is my speech good?
Question: Is my speech good!?
Hello, My name is Mary ludwig Hays, you may all know me as Molly Pitcher!. I was born on October 13, 1754 in trenton, New Jersey and i moved to carlisle, pennsylavina!. My first job was when i moved to carlisle, I became a servant, When i was sixteen i married a barber and his name was William Hays!. When my husband decided to go to war, I tagged along with him!. now im going to tell you some of my memories!. In the battle of Monmouth on July 28,1778, the tempatures got really high, So i carried pitchers of water to the soldiers!. thats how i got my nickname Molly Pitcher!. When my husband and other men became wounded, I helped to tend them!.When i husband couldnt fight any longer in the battle of Monmouth!. i took over his place at the cannon!. After the battle, was the best day of my life, when general Washington found out about my heroic actions!. He then named me Sergeant molly!. In 1789, william hays died!. I then married George McCauleey, he was a revolutionary war veteran!. i died in the yearWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Hello, My name is Mary Ludwig Hays, you may know me as Molly Pitcher!. I was born on October 13, 1754 in Trenton, New Jersey and I moved to Carlisle, Pennsylvania!. {My first job was when I moved to Carlisle,(I don’t think this is necessary) I became a servant,} when I was sixteen I married a barber and his name was William Hays!. When my husband decided to go to war, I {tagged along} (exchange for “went”) with him!. {Now, I’m going to tell you some of my memories!.} (This sentence is not necessary) In the battle of Monmouth on July 28, 1778, the temperatures {got really} (replace with “were very”) high!. So I carried pitchers of water to the soldiers!. That’s how I got my nickname Molly Pitcher!. When my husband and other men {became} (replace with “were”) wounded, I helped to tend them!. When my husband couldn’t fight any longer in the battle of Monmouth, I took over his place at the cannon!. After the battle, was the best day of my life, when General Washington found out about my heroic actions!. He {then} (delete word) named me “Sergeant Molly”!. In 1789, (insert, “my husband”) William Hays died!. I then married George McCauley, {he was}(delete words) a revolutionary war veteran!. I died in 1832 at the age of 78 years old (insert if you want “after a full and fulfilling life”)
This is pretty good I put the things that I think need changes in brackets and put how to make the change in parentheses! Did Molly Pitcher have any children!? How did her bravery affect the outcome of the battle!? Did she help out in any other battles!? Was she wounded!?
If you made my changes this is how it would look
Hello, My name is Mary Ludwig Hays, you may know me as Molly Pitcher!. I was born on October 13, 1754 in Trenton, New Jersey and I moved to Carlisle, Pennsylvania, when I was sixteen I married a barber and his name was William Hays!. When my husband decided to go to war, I went with him!.
In the battle of Monmouth on July 28, 1778, the temperatures were very high!. So I carried pitchers of water to the soldiers!. That’s how I got my nickname Molly Pitcher!. When my husband and other men were wounded, I helped to tend them!. When my husband couldn’t fight any longer in the battle of Monmouth, I took over his place at the cannon!. After the battle, was the best day of my life, when General Washington found out about my heroic actions!. He named me “Sergeant Molly”!. In 1789, my husband William Hays died!. I then married George McCauley, a revolutionary war veteran!. I died in 1832 at the age of 78 years old after a full and fulfilling!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it's very good !.!.!. an interesting topic and nice, straightforward delivery!. Since it's a speech, I'm not paying any attention to your punctuation (which is a little iffy)!. Here are a few small changes I'd suggest:
!.!.!.New Jersey, and LATER moved to Carlisle!.!.!.!.
I took my first job when I moved to Carlisle; I became a servant!.
!.!.!.a barber!. His name was William Hays!.
!.!.!. and other men WERE wounded, !.!.!.!.
When my husband couldn't fight any longer, I took over his place at the cannon!.
The day after the battle was the best day of my life!. When General Washington found out about my heroic actions, he named me Sergeant Molly!.
Have fun! I'm sure everyone will enjoy meeting you!Www@QuestionHome@Com