Competition Dance Teacher never compliments kids, only criticism. What to Do?

Question:My daughter is 11 and has danced competitively for many years in jazz, tap, and lyrical on winning dance teams. She says she loves it and is a good dancer I think. Her dance teacher never points out good things that she does and only gives her criticism, so we don't know from the teacher's perspective if she really has any talent.
I thought she was alright with this until recently I was reading a paper she wrote for school and she said she is not confident in dance because of her dance teacher. I don't know what to do. I've tried to talk to the dance teacher in the past about some positive reinforcement and she says that my daughter needs to learn to do it for the internal reward, not compliments she gets from others. The teacher does compliment other dancers (usually the same girl ) but almost never my daughter.
My daughter says she doesn't want to switch dance schools because her friends are here. But I see her talent and love for dance diminishing. What should I do?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: My daughter is 11 and has danced competitively for many years in jazz, tap, and lyrical on winning dance teams. She says she loves it and is a good dancer I think. Her dance teacher never points out good things that she does and only gives her criticism, so we don't know from the teacher's perspective if she really has any talent.
I thought she was alright with this until recently I was reading a paper she wrote for school and she said she is not confident in dance because of her dance teacher. I don't know what to do. I've tried to talk to the dance teacher in the past about some positive reinforcement and she says that my daughter needs to learn to do it for the internal reward, not compliments she gets from others. The teacher does compliment other dancers (usually the same girl ) but almost never my daughter.
My daughter says she doesn't want to switch dance schools because her friends are here. But I see her talent and love for dance diminishing. What should I do?

Make sure you always compliment you daughter after every session, and always let her know that even is she is critisised, you still love her, support her and are happy she is doing her best. If you feel her talent and love for dance is diminishing, remind her of all the things she has achieved in her life, and how far she has come to be where she is now. Just remember to always support her, and perhaps give the school paper to the dance teacher. This might help to show what effect her teacher is having on her.

Hope This Helps =D

Most dance teachers I know are usually like that unless they have a small group of girls (I'm talking 5 or less). The teacher is right that your daughter should do dance for herself not the compliments she gets. Most likely the girl the teacher compliments will be moved out of the class your daughter is in very soon (since she seems to be the center of attention and the teacher most likely thinks she is progressing faster that the other girls). If you live in a small town I'm sure your daughter will have friends at another dance studio if you move her out. Remember though, that your daughter will not have this dance teacher forever. In fact since she is 11 she should be starting pointe soon, so most likely she will not have the same teacher. I would ask the director of the studio if your daughter could switch teachers or if she will switch teachers when she begins pointe.

Sorry, I didn't know that she wasn't in ballet, but even in competitive classes the age of 11 is usally when you begin new classes with new teachers.

Well remember, it's a dance teacher's job to teach, and getting criticism is better than getting just complements- it gives her something to work for. My dance class has about 30 dancers in it, and it's very hard to score compliments. Every dancer knows who is the best, and she is always watched. That's the thing: sometimes, people just don't watch others. If she wants to receive more attention from her teacher and her classmates, tell her to be more confident in her dancing. She should go first across the floor, she should be in the front line right next to the teacher in center, and she should always volunteer to demonstrate. Those who are eager to learn get complements. It's all in the confidence. I know i'm a good dancer, but sometimes I don't know the combination, so I go in the back row...a LOT. And I barely get commented on. When I do know what i'm doing, people notice. Your daughter should instill the confidence in herself. She doesn't need anybody to give it to her. :)

As a former dance teacher I can honestly say my experience is that when a student is complaining of being overly critisized it is often because a) they dont really like to dance, b) they have self confidence issues, or c) they dont understand that learning to dance correctly requires lots of hard work. Learning to accept your own shortcommings and address them is a big part of growing up and at 11 years old your daughter should be ready for that. It can be hard to find a balance between nuturing self confidence and teaching children to be able to see their weaknesses. It is so easy for parents and teachers to sugarcoat things to spare feelings. A good dance teacher doesnt do that.

Its hard to understand at 11, but teaching dance is not about compliments. It is about corrections. A student learns to dance by doing steps incorrectly and getting corrected. And by listening and watching the other students get corrected. that is just the way it works. Dont use the term "critisizism" with your daughter. Use "correction" or the comparable term her teacher uses.
Obviously, if you think that the teachers is truly critisizing not correcting then you have a whole other problem.

Competition Dance is by definition competitive. I was taught, and I taught my students, that the goal is to maximize your personal talents. To be the best you can be by emphising your strengths and working like hell to improve your weaknesses. Sometimes one girl gets all the attention, again thats the way it is. Maybe the girl is more talented, maybe is is preitter, maybe she just wants it more.

Have you watched a class and heard the teacher's corrections yourself? If not, you might want to before you pull her out. Often with young girls the perceptions of critisim can be off. There might be hidden compliments that your daughter isnt hearing because she is focusing on the negative or because she isnt seeing them as compliments. Something a simple as the teacher saying "that's better" after your daughter has listened and applied a correction is a very positive comment and should be thought of as such.

If you are friendly with any of the other parents you might try asking about their perceptions and their daughters experiences.

Talk with your daughter about her class when you pick her up. what did she learn, what did she do well, what did she have troubles with. etc. If she is into it you can have her start a dance journal with choreography notes, milestones, and notes from each class.

Talk with your daughter about what she likes about dancing. Maybe she needs a less structured, less competitive enviroment. There are schools that dont groom professional dancers. They are more fun than work but sometimes that is all you need.

this sounds like a bad teacher...it call for a change of instructor. or ur child be be discouraged! you can take the help of"

Would be happy to help!

Prithvi and Ree's
Rock Around the Clock Dance Company
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I'd suggest you ask to sit in that class and see for yourself that there isn't really any positive feedback. (Take a book or knitting with you just in case.) I agree with you that positive feedback is just as important as negative. As a teacher myself, I find that positive feedback goes a long way. It might be that your daughter is reacting a lot more to negative feedback and sort of ignores the positive. It might be that she's right, there isn't much positive feedback there. It''s a matter of information. It is important for her to know what she's doing correcty so that she can build on it, rather than only being criticized for things being done incorrectly. As a dancer, I find it impossible to work off the strictly negative feedback. Being over 30, I'm old enough to realize the difference between my confidence issues and plain lack of information.
Is it possible to arrange a private lesson? Maybe with the same teacher? I know it costs money, but the benefits might be well worth it. You could ask the teacher specifically to point out to your daughter what she is doing right. Explain that you know your daughter very well and it would really motivate her. I don't really know how things work in ballet, but you might consider requesting a private lesson with a different teacher within the same studio.

This is a very tough situation because you certainly don't want to see your child's love of something and self-esteem diminish, but you also want her to be with her friends.

I actually experienced the exact situation your daughter is experiencing. I used to attend a dancing school where the teachers only cared about one or two girls and brought everyone else's confidence down. I stayed for years because I had friends there, and thought that every dancing school would be the same, so it wasn't worth leaving. Eventually, it became such a bad atmosphere that I left for another dancing school.

I ended-up at such a wonderful dancing school that I regretted not leaving sooner and even stayed there my first year of college.

Any danceteacher who does not give encouragement and positive words is a poor danceteacher. A good danceteacher makes a dance class a fun atmosphere and should pay attention to all of the students, not just a few.

In my opinion, I think it would be very beneficial to switch dancing schools. Since the summer is coming up, perhaps you could look into others schools' summer programs and sign her up at a different school along with the one she is currently at. This way, she can try out a new school while keeping her old friends, and you can compare the way the dance teachers handle the students at different places.

There are a lot of dancing schools out there, so here are some tips on how to find an ideal one:
Look for a director who is friendly and seems really interested in his or her business.
Talk to some of the students: Are they nice? Do they enjoy dancing there?
If you call the school, does the person you talk to seem friendly on the phone? Do they listen to you or interrupt you often?

You can also tell a lot about the school from how happy the preschoolers are dancing there. Do they have a great time? Is there a lot of participation and playing, or do they just stand there and look bored and unhappy?

Ideally, a dancing school should feel like a family, and the dance teachers should have friendly, pleasant personalities.

Again, this is a tough situation, but your daughter can always make new friends versus re-building self-esteem, which is difficult to do.

Hope I helped!!