Feedback on a poem?

Question:

Feedback on a poem?

Could I have some honest feedback on this poem I wrote??

Alone

The cold has taken quite a turn
And now you??re with me
Now I burn
A fire so unquenchably hot
To draw away?
I know I cannot
For even as something tells me no
I know there??s no way I can get up and go
For you??ve pulled me deeper, don??t you see?
To a place where I??ve lost my identity
A place where reality twists and turns
To a garden where we can watch innocence burn
Til all that??s left is you and I
If you asked me the question, I wouldn??t know why
And still you beg for more and more
But how can I leave you and walk out the door?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I actually quite liked it. I liked the contrast between cold and burn (which I interpret to be a shift in the relationshp).

I like the question mark ending Line 5 to show indecision and turmoil.

The best line in it for me is "To a garden where we can watch innocence burn."

Initially the only things that were a little jarring as I read it were:

Line 13 It should be you and me, not you and I--if you break usage for a rhyme it will come off more forced...this could easily be fixed by doing something like this:

Til all that's left is you and me
If you asked the question, I wouldn't see

The final line, walk out the door is a little overused and cliched. I worried about this initially breaking your garden imagery, but upon further reflection I think it's ok. I would think about substituting "close the door" for walk out the door, or changing the last phrase to something entirely different.

This is a good poem about getting involved with someone, loosing yourself in a sexual relationship, and feeling parts of yourself slipping away.