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Comments on this peice of writing please?

I appreciate criticizm... heres a segment:

I could write forever and ever on this old typewriter just to hear the sound it makes. It is a very loud sound, but not in a harsh way. It is loud like how the early rays of the sun are loud when they wake you up on Christmas morning. But I??m not sure that the others near me like it as much, since it??s 10: 09 at night. I have decided to use this typewriter as a place for all of my meandering pondering thoughts. I would take it to school, if there was any school, but the noise would probably disrupt the teachers and they would sign my bad slip. Oh, I do miss school. Especially since it is now mid- February, a time when the pressure of exams starts to climb onto your shoulders like annoying hitchhikers who refuse to get out. I should warn you, I am terrible at writing similes.

Additional Details

2 weeks ago
Heres a different segment, more in the middle.

I was staring at it in wonder when I saw my parents standing a few yards away. My sister was getting out of another bus, since she went to a high school, and ran to my father, crying. My mother had deep wrinkles on her forehead, the ones she only got when she was very worried. I suddenly realized that it was not a field trip at all. f
??Why is everyone so sad??? I asked my mother. She just shook her head and picked me up.
A lady in the strange white coat told my mother sternly,
??Please make your way to this line.?? Then she pointed a hand to a the line nearest to us. I thought the lady had been talking to all of us, so I took my mother hand and walked with her to the line. But my mother kept on crying and saying,
??Penny, go see your father, go, please...?? I was quite afraid by now, I had never seen my mother act like this.
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It won't let me add anymore! Sorry if you don't get it, not enough room.

1 week ago
the it on the second bit was a big metal building, onece again, sorry about the two completely random sections!


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: 2 weeks ago
Heres a different segment, more in the middle.

I was staring at it in wonder when I saw my parents standing a few yards away. My sister was getting out of another bus, since she went to a high school, and ran to my father, crying. My mother had deep wrinkles on her forehead, the ones she only got when she was very worried. I suddenly realized that it was not a field trip at all. f
??Why is everyone so sad??? I asked my mother. She just shook her head and picked me up.
A lady in the strange white coat told my mother sternly,
??Please make your way to this line.?? Then she pointed a hand to a the line nearest to us. I thought the lady had been talking to all of us, so I took my mother hand and walked with her to the line. But my mother kept on crying and saying,
??Penny, go see your father, go, please...?? I was quite afraid by now, I had never seen my mother act like this.
---
It won't let me add anymore! Sorry if you don't get it, not enough room.