Here is a rewritte, I'm so confused, i don't know what to do. Comments??

Question:

Here is a rewritte, I'm so confused, i don't know what to do. Comments??

cut

Like a snail on a razor blade, I too hear this call,
Is my life a subtle thing, at least until the snail falls?
Colors leaping, Lions sleeping, tide is rolling in,
Is my life pre-ordained and is it the original sin?

A razor makes precision cuts, knocking at my door,
Ignoring it I prepare a slit, I now watch the blood begin to pour.
Pooling on the table, droplets fall here and there,
The carpet soaks it up so nice, I haven't got a care.

Self inflicted pain is slow, so slow it seems time has stopped,
Parrafin and safety pins, join the pleasure as I drop.
My heart starts beating slowly, my vision comes and goes,
A few more cuts, the telephone rings, everything is slow.

My ears they start to ringing, like a crack hit held too long,
My pulse gets more irregular, Debbie Gibson sings a song,
The time I have is getting short, my death it will prevail,
People running round the house, my ships begun to sail.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: OMG!!! That's sooo sad!!! REALLY well written, but terribly sad!!! Don't cut, and no killing yourself. Things will get better, just keep telling yourself that! and write it out, but don't hurt yourself!!!
Wicked awesome poem though!! It has a lot of feeling and imagery! I love all of your poems!! They have a feeling to them that makes everything around you stop and you just must focus on what your saying! It's amazing!

~mystic~