Does this story line grab you? I want to see if it grabs the person right away?

Question:

Does this story line grab you? I want to see if it grabs the person right away?

There once were five brothers that inherited a vast quantity of land from there father. They divided the land equally among each other. They each built a kingdom upon there land. Halim, belonging to the first son, Sandane, belonging to the second son Lebal, belongs to the third son, Namor belonging to the fourth son and Aknas which belonged to the fifth. They each were creating strongholds and fortresses for the comfort of there many wives, children and grandchildren to come.
King Ranchel was the eldest, and therefore decided that his kingdom (the kingdom of Halim) was to be the greatest and the most supreme out of all five. He ordered all of peasants to work, to create his extravagant palace. He knew his brothers would join forces and attack his land so he must construct a durable and safe castle.
Every worker past the age of 5 must be branded with an earring on their left ear, and sent to work, they were to leave there young at one house that kept all the children.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: To be completely honest, the storyline doesn't grab me right off. That doesn't mean it won't be a great story, though. Develop it first, then show some of your manuscripts to friends and family who can give you constructive criticism on your work. Then based on your own observations and theirs, make a few re-writes and polish your story. Even the greatest authors have to make re-writes. Good luck on your story!