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Question:
Opinion on my poem, 'Destination: Heaven'?
I took my sword in my hands, got out of my cell
And was on my way to break into heaven from hell
If I deserved to stay in heaven God only could tell
But had I not spent my lifetime well?
I was sure it was a mistake
I was determined to escape
My rightful path to take
My undeserved curse to break
To get rid of the heat's painful hour
To jump out of there and take a shower
No more hours spent in chains in the tower
No more lack of my will to power
I landed on the soft clouds of heaven
Yet I was out by the angels driven
To be immortal I had desired once in my life
So I was not accepted there despite my strife
Yet was not heaven a place of forgiveness?
In their thoughts they showed much dimness
Were not angels supposed to be good?
They didn't even improve my mood.
I was no longer alive and still
I could have used some pill
I asked them if I could with God talk
All my hopes the angels for me broke
I was killed again in one stroke
Before the gates of heaven
My hopes but not my cruse they broke
I have only one life, not seven
The lights of heaven I left behind
The fires of hell burning in my mind
But this time I felt nothing, no pain
I never after this cried out for gentle rain.
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
KUDOS
very nice i like, from one poet to another i would say your almost on edgar allen poe level (almost) LOL.