How can I teach my asparagus to dance?

Question:

How can I teach my asparagus to dance?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: This is always difficult, as a dance hall is not the natural element of an asparagus. A lot of people have suggested dance school, but I would warn against that, as the other pupils will notice that the asparagus is different and may well make fun of it. This will only lead it to feel more isolated than ever.

Private lessons are the only way, unless you're prepared to teach it yourself. The main advice I can give you is not to cook it first: uncooked asparagus are better able to maintain an upright posture.

Good luck!