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Question:

Hey, what do you think of this poem I composed?

SISTER YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVED ME


Oh Sister, can you feel the pain in my veins
I watch my own blood glisten on the blade
As I walk to the unknown, a thousand whispers in my head
I watch myself get slain, my mother watches in disdain
As I walk to the black gates of the end
I wave them goodbye with my bleeding hand
Goodbye father! Goodbye Mother! You would never understand!
And I fall, and fall, and fall from where I stand, to the floor
The dark floor then swallows me up and spits me to a door,
I see a dead man guarding the door to the unknown
His breath a stink, a stink of death,
I walk into the gloom, deep into its depths
I don??t fear death! For already I am dead!
Without fear those words I hear myself say
Walk, walk, and walk till you forget the morning sun,
The room is burning! The dead man shouts a warning, Run!
Run, run, run, till I feel the barrel of the gun
I??m back in my room, lying on my bed with a pistol to my head
Pull the trigger! Walk the dead again! No fear of pain!
The voice of the dead man said
A thundering sound! The pistol hits the ground
In my bed my body will be found!
Again I walk the darkness, mother you were heartless, father you were heartless,
Sister! You loved me, thank you for the bullets! Thank you for your aid!
Now I have to leave you, please take back your pistol and leave me on the bed
Goodbye cruel Mother, goodbye cruel father, one day we will meet each other
I will wait for you by the gates of Hell!
I see darkness now, the light faints to shade
Oh, thank you sister, I am finally??dead!


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: There's actually a poetry section (at the same level as "Books" where this answer is posted)....

It might be better received there than here....