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Okay.Here's one more poem from me. What do you think?

Living for Nobody.
Ready to kill-always.
Waiting for death,
Silently.
Listening to its footsteps,
Forever approaching.
But yet, So far.
The sound of drops of water,
falling into the basin in the washroom.
Why does it leak?
It is growing-every moment-louder.
The footsteps, the sound of water.
There is something hollow,
About the atmosphere-today.
I can hear the rustle of leaves
-So unnaturally loud.
Its almost like into my ears.
The crikets have gone beserk.
Its making a noise so loud.
And my own breath.
Its so heavy and echoing, echoing, echoing.
Everything is so damn noisy.
But my breath is relaxing.
Quietening Gradually.
I'll wait for it,
To Cease.


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Honestly? I think you're trying to hard. I'm not a poet (fiction writer) but there are aspects here that do work. But certain word choices seem forced. There are moments when some of the lines fall naturally and others seem as if you contrived for an effect. You do get mood across, and the overall "idea" comes across stronger from the middle to the end.
But hey, I'm no expert.