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Opinions on my poem, 'My Killer, My Healer'?

I was walking around almost dead
Never realized it till I lay healthy on my bed
Your crazy, risky game brought me on the edge
Between life and death, pale as a white unwritten page

Struggling not to get killed
Trying hard not to do you harm, not to have your fate sealed
You forced my soul, to bring out what you concealed
What I have denied to have ever for you felt, as I have so feared

You explained to me my own feelings I couldn't understand
You threw away my masks, you tore them apart,
You made me in my true face before you stand
You made my mist go away, you had me live, just to tear apart my heart

I used to be immortal, you made me alive to kill me
I could not hurt you, I let you give me misery
I loved you as you were killing me, your touch made me happy
I knew it was your love that killed me, so I let it be...

You made me go insane, I loved my killer
You murdered me and then you became my healer
I loved my every pain because it came from you
I let you change me, moulding me anew...


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: extraordinary!!

I've read it four times now, and each time I've discovered something new, different. PEOPLE: poems MUST be read more than once, or you don't get the flow! good poems have meaning that hides between the lines, and to understand a writer's process, you have to absorb a poem. that requires a re-read, and another, and another in some cases.

meter and rhyme and length of line are all subject to a writer's meaning. the second stanza begins with a very short line: it's Gupil's intention here (or so I see it) to set it apart and create space. "Struggling not to get killed." on its own without what comes before or after, it's an especially dramatic line. take it in before moving on, like a subtitle thrown in from nowhere. it's important--it's set apart.

the following line also disrupts flow: who is this "you"? is it the writer, or the "you" of the other lines? or is it neither, just a generic "you"? the narrator makes no other reference to what she might do to the "you," but always what "you" is doing to "I"--except that "I" loves "you."

(sometimes I amaze myself, and it's only caffeine)

this poem is utterly fantastic, and only those who are confined with their own thoughts of "what a poem should be" will find it to be otherwise. if I could, I'd give me to you so that I might experience what you went through. is there a better way to say "thanks"? you are brilliant!