What do you think of this little excerpt?

Question:

What do you think of this little excerpt?

[ ] = brackets mean character is thinking internally.

Dane = Lead male character
Shyla = secondary female character (dane's lover)

"Every man dies, Shyla. But how they die??and who they
die for, is something not every man can do right," he replied.
"What right way is there?" she asked, with tears
forming in the corners of her deep green eyes. "There's no right way??there never has been. There's no proper way to die, if it's you that has to. What right way is there??when you're leaving everyone behind??for a quest?"
Walking over to her, and placing his rough hands on
either sides of her soft face, Dane looked into her eyes and
sighed, "To die for you??would be right. To die for my family??my kingdom??my father. To die for pride and honor, would be right. To die and be a afraid??isn't. To run from death, is not right. Face it head on, without fear and know who you're dying for." He paused for a moment and then continued. "I die for those who

Additional Details

6 days ago
have followed me. I die for those whom I love. I die for those who have protected me and stayed by my side, when even I thought I would never finish this. I die to do right onto the people, whom have done the same for me. To
finish this quest??and protect those I care about from Vaelaen and his
men, is the right way to die."
Small streams of tears rolled off her cheeks and splattered onto his hands, after her eyes closed tightly in sadness.
Opening her eyes slowly, and then staring up into his, she gave a few
short sighs with a sad breath in each one and tried to be brave and
strong for him.

6 days ago
Feeling his hands fall from her face as he turned
around and walked to the hill once more, Shyla stared at his back
that was turned to her. Against the horizon of the sun, his
silhouette broke the rays that shined upon him, leaving spectra's of
light to glimmer around his outline. With a slow breeze blowing past
him, Shyla let a few single tears fall again as she watched the man
she loved more than life, turn and look back at her. [After this is
over??I may never get to see those eyes again.] She thought. [After
this is over??I may never get to feel your hand against my cheek, nor
your sweet smile when you look at me from afar. The gleam in your eye
when we look at the stars together, or the way you hold me close to
you when I'm afraid. Never again may you be with me. So still I
question you??what is the right way to die?] She watched him grin at
her faint smile she let appear falsely on her face, and when he
turned back to the warmth of the sun, it faded.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: 6 days ago
have followed me. I die for those whom I love. I die for those who have protected me and stayed by my side, when even I thought I would never finish this. I die to do right onto the people, whom have done the same for me. To
finish this quest??and protect those I care about from Vaelaen and his
men, is the right way to die."
Small streams of tears rolled off her cheeks and splattered onto his hands, after her eyes closed tightly in sadness.
Opening her eyes slowly, and then staring up into his, she gave a few
short sighs with a sad breath in each one and tried to be brave and
strong for him.